15 years ago….I got married!

Fifteen years ago today I got married.

Nobody protested, nobody was outraged, nobody was outside the castle holding signs of disapproval  saying, “You’re Going To Hell” while I said, “I DO!”  Most importantly…there were no laws preventing me from getting married.  (Yes, I got married in a castle…hello, I’m a princess!  Moving on…)

 

I was a 20-year-old woman who had dated my 23-year-old man for a year and a half.  I was 18 when we started dating; he was my first real boyfriend.  (And my first for a lot of things…but that’s another story.)  We were a couple in love…eeerrr…in a committed relationship…uuummm…I was pregnant with his baby… by law that was all we needed to get married.  Well, being a heterosexual couple over the age of 18; THAT was all we needed.

 

We got engaged in April 1997, the day before Easter, and married 7 weeks later.  It was such a fast whirlwind of an engagement that I didn’t have time to get anxious or turn into any sort of Bridezilla, or truly THINK about what I was about to do. I was in love…or what I perceived as love at the time.  We’d broken up a couple of times over the year and a half courtship, but doesn’t everyone?  We were expecting a baby in November, which changed us both for the better, I have to say.  THAT we were honestly ready for, the “till death do us part” bit we were not as ready for.

 

Six years later we were happily divorced. 

We became part of the statistic. 

Yes, we were the 50%!

We were Occupying Divorce! 

 

At 20 and 23 years old respectively, what the hell did we know of the world?  What did we know of love or long-term relationships?  We were young and in love, but knew NOTHING about life!  How is it that two knucklehead kids could easily get married and nobody bats an eyelash, but two people in a committed relationship for 10, 20, 30+ years are still unable to legally wed each other simply because they are the same sex?

 

Marriage is defined as a commitment between a man and a woman! 

YEAH, THAT WORKED OUT WELL, EH?

 

Let’s redefine marriage with the following rules:

 

  • You must be in the relationship for 5+ years
    • “Breakup time” resets your clock back to zero.
  • You have to know your partner like the back of your hand
  • You must live with the person for at least 2 years.
    • As part of your 5+ years
  • You and your significant other need to be FRIENDS!
    • Sounds strange, but think about it…when you’re old and the sex has faded into the past…you’ll want a friend at your side.

 

Man and a Woman…Woman and a Woman…Man and a Man

 

LOVE + COMMITMENT + FRIENDSHIP = MARRIAGE

 

I am pleased to see the definition of marriage is changing throughout the country, albeit slowly, with my home state being the first to legalize Same-Sex Marriage.  If you don’t support Same-Sex marriage, then don’t marry someone of the same-sex!  Honestly people, it’s just that easy!

 

For 8 years now, Same-Sex marriage…and Same-Sex divorce…has been going on in Massachusetts and LO AND BEHOLD, the sky hasn’t fallen!  As a heterosexual woman, it has had zero effect on me.  It has had the same effect on me as every other marriage that has ever happened EVER…which is ZERO!  The only marriage that has ever had an effect on me was my own.  (Well, both my parents got remarried, which obviously had an effect on me…one positive, one profoundly negative.)

 

So, as I reflect on what took place 15 years ago today, I wonder why I was permitted to get married without question or hesitation, but people in committed relationships, for years…decades even, are still not permitted to get married in certain states.   I can’t wait for my grandchildren to look at me and say, “Grandma is it really true that same-sex couples couldn’t get married when you were alive?”  My answer will be something to the effect of, “Yes, sadly it is true.  But there was also a time when women couldn’t vote, people owned slaves and believe it or not, there was no electricity!  Times, people and laws have changed a lot over the generations.  All I want for you, my little love, is for you to find happiness, friendship and your own personal bliss in the life partner you choose.”

 

It should be noted that my ex-husband and I are actually pretty good friends now and have raised our amazing daughter together for the past 14+ years.  A lot has gone on between us, and marriage was not meant for us, but as parents…we rock!

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